Zombie Land

I am a zombie.

Not only is Josiah going through some development phase where he wants cuddles and to co sleep from 4am in the morning, Joel is also waking about 3 times a night and coming to wake me up as well.

This has been going on a couple of weeks now and I’m not sure how much more I can take.

I’m shattered and had a bit of an emotional fit this morning at Steve who continues to sleep and lie in every morning as I’m staggering about in tears trying to dress an uncooperative toddler for school and sort a babies nappy as he’s rolling onto his tummy.

There is no rhyme or reason to it.  Josiah should be sleeping through now, Joel should not be waking and Steve should be trying to be a bit more helpful and supportive in a morning.  Gah.

I’ve given up going to groups as Josiah is falling asleep at 10am and I’m too tired to go and be chatty.  I’m currently sat on the sofa nursing a cup of tea and watching gossip girl.  I should be napping but I’m scared I won’t wake up in time to collect Joel from school.

When will I get some sleep?  It’s not funny any more 😦

The Big Blue Rope

Josiah’s umbilical cord when born was massive.  It was long, fat and shiny looking.   As he was taken over for his tests and weigh-in a long length was trailing after him like a snake and Steve and I heard the Doctor’s commenting on how huge it was!!  I guess I never thought there was that much variation in umbilical cord size.

We had a visit from our health visitor last week on Thursday to do Josiah’s hearing test (which was fine in both ears yay!!) and I asked her to look at his tummy button.  His cord and plastic thing had fallen off a few days previously (I wished I noted which day it was but it was a lot later than Joel’s who was about day 4-5, and certainly a couple of days past a week for Joss) as it had left a chunk of gnarly looking black skin under it.

She commented that looking at it, she presumed he had a very large umbilical cord which had meant his cord hadn’t dropped off early, and was why he was such a big baby, as he’d been fed very well by my placenta!  Just from looking at a bit of black gnarly skin.  I was impressed!!  Anyway, she said to keep an eye on it, it would likely fall off in a few days but to be careful in case there was red jelly under it!  Gah!!!

Anyway, she was right again, a few days later I was changing Josiah and noticed this black thing had gone, so I had to go fishing inside his vest to find it, and his tummy button is looking a lot more normal now, but a bit bleedy in one bit which I’m bathing, but he’ll have it looked at on Thursday when the HV comes out again.  We’re actually seeing two at the moment as one is a student in training so they’re alternating weeks which I don’t mind at all as it means he gets extra care and attention at the moment.

He was also weighed again after his hearing test and had gone from 10lbs 2 to 10lbs 12oz!!  The HV called me a Jersey Cow as I must have gold top milk.  I guess that was meant as a compliment.  I wonder if it’s because he’s so big that he’s gone from feeding for 20-30 minutes to 10-15 on average.  It was worrying me that he wasn’t feeding enough, but as long as he’s putting weight on I guess he’s just better than he was at pulling the milk out.

Every night he seems to get a green nappy about 11pm but that’s because he has a couple of hours of cluster feeding, on off, and on again over a long period of time before sleeping so he’s not getting enough hind milk, but by morning they’re back to mustard yellow.  The midwife had noticed this as well but said as he was doing so well with his weight gains to keep doing whatever I was doing, so I am.  I am trying to keep him on the same breast for a good hour though to encourage him to get the fattier milk but I think once it becomes a bit of work for him he gets lazy and drifts off to sleep.

I seem to have more milk this time round as well.  I find myself leaking unexpectedly in places like Asda in the day!  And on the bedsheets when I wake up in a morning if he’s 20 minutes past a feed because he’s not yet woken up!  I keep squirting him in the face trying to latch him on and if he’s feeding from the left, getting a damp patch on the right.  I’m washing nighties a lot as the wretched breast pads are never in the right place on my sleep bras!!!  I can’t wait for this supply to settle down as I can’t yet sleep comfortably on my side, it hurts my breasts too much.  I’m still lying flat on my back but with a pillow under my thighs to bring my hips forward as they’re still achy and clicky if not in this position.  I wonder when I’ll feel back to normal?!

I am impressed with my mummy tummy though as it’s nearly gone.  I dont’ know how it’s happened at all.  Obviously there is a c-section overhang and some crepey looking stretch mark skin, and I’m certainly not concave with a six pack by any sense of the word but I’m sure after Joel I looked a lot bigger for a lot longer and it took joining Slimming world to lose some of the weight and tummy.  This time I can fit back in my old leggings and jeans (not pre-pregnancy size but still, jeans!!) and my coat does up so I’m not sure how it’s happened this time.  I must try not to eat too many chocolate buttons this time and sausage rolls.  After Joel I would walk to town a lot for exercise but get hungry and buy a sausage roll and that was not good for me.  Unfortunately, healthy fruit just doesn’t cut it at the moment as I do get hungry with the breast feeding at funny times. But I’m trying to be good and eat home cooked food with fresh vegetables and not have bad puddings, but a yoghurt or fruit instead.  It’s not quite slimming world standards just yet but it’s a good start.


I am not someone who tends to dream at night, or at least remember dreams the next morning.  Except when pregnant it seems!

At the moment I feel tired every morning because I’m not in a deep sleep anymore.    There’s just very weird and vivid things going on in my brain when I should be catching up with the old beauty sleep.

The other night I got up to check on Joel because I woke up convinced he was drawing all over the walls with wax crayons.  He wasn’t.  He was far away, in the land of nod which is where I should have been!!  Every day seems to bring a new random memory with it which I can’t quite explain.  How it got into my head I don’t know.  I wish I wasn’t so prone to them.  I just want a good night’s sleep!!!


Another night of continual coughing and with Steve getting up before 6am for a breakfast meeting, he disturbed Joel so once he’d gone downstairs this little voice called ‘Mama’.

I couldn’t ignore him, so brought him into bed with me. Then he cried becuase he wanted to go downstairs to play.

So I’m feeling grotty, headachy and tired. It’s been about 9 days of restless nights. I can feel myself getting to the edge of what I can bear. I’m not good with sleepless nights. Especially when I have to get up and walk to work with a crazy hound.


On the other hand, he made me laugh lots this morning. He opened my underwear drawer, and began pulling out clean pants, and putting them around his neck. I let him play whilst I got dressed, then removed the pants to go downstairs. Downstairs, I realised he’d somehow managed to slip another (rather lacy) pair round his neck as a necklace!! That could have been very embarrassing dropping him off at nursery.




Last night we went to bed, and slept very well, right through till 5.11am. Which is far too early to be woken by howling.

Even Steve woke up which is amazing in itself. And he got up and went to Joel, who then cried ‘muh-ma, muh-uh-uh-uhma’, until Steve brought him through to me and we put him between us in the bed. Joel wasn’t happy about it, and clambered on top of me, flung himself down, and promplty seemed to fall asleep.

Well, I couldn’t sleep like that. Lying on my back made my breathing wheezy, the weight of him was uncomfortable and I had to hold him in place!

So I tentatively tried to move him back to his cot. His breathing was deep and even so I presumed him to be fast asleep again, but once I got to his cot, I glanced down to see his eyes firmly fastened on mine as if to say ‘What do you think you’re doing’ and he began to howl again.

So into the spare bed we went and cuddled, and he had to be in my arms to be settled and we managed to doze off about 6.45!! So I had another half an hour doze before dragging myself out of bed, and taking a dozing Joel back to our bed to leave him in Steve’s arms so I could go and shower to wake myself up a bit.

Sleeping boys.

Sleeping boys.

It’s not been a good morning. And Joel has his first dental appointment in an hour. That will be fun with a tired, grumpy baby!


Night Terrors

You know how I said Joel goes from sleeping well to not sleeping well?

We’re going through a not sleeping well spell at the moment.

And we’re all rather shattered from it.

We’ve been taking turns at night, and two nights ago was Steve’s turn.  And he got Joel suffering what we think could be night terrors.  He woke up howling at 11.30, pointing to the corners of his room, absolutely inconsolable.

It was awful.  We took him into our room and into bed with us but he howled more as it was too dark.  Is this when babies develop a fear of the dark?  I don’t know.  He was not a happy bunny.  In case of teething we doped him up with teething powders, calpol and calgel on his gums.  This seemed to help a little, but also wake him up, and so he was feeling happier, awake and would not go to sleept ill 3.30am.  Steve took him downstairs and he played like a little maniac for two hours with megabloks.  It’s all about the megabloks at the moment.

Anyway, last night was my turn on sleep duty.  And I went to bed early, and Joel woke up at 10.30pm howling.  So I got him out, and we cuddled and read the ‘Hug’ book which he loves, and he points to Bobo’s mummy and says ‘Muh-ma’ (I hope he doesn’t think I’m a chimp!!) but he knows that she is Bobo’s mummy.

Then I settled him back in his cot, his night lights were on, and as I went to leave the room, he cried, so I got into the spare bed next to him, and the next thing I knew, it was 6.30am.  So no terrors during the wee small hours.  Maybe we’ll have to leave the lights on every night now.  Or at least get something smaller as his current night lights are a fairy light tree that we had at our wedding!!  It’s not the dimmest light but he likes it.

Sleep Issues Again

It seems that Joel will have a lovely time of sleeping through brilliantly, 12 hours a time, all very peaceful, and then suddenly for what seems to be no reason, this is all very disturbed!

Last week was a good week, and we got lots of lovely (and needed) sleep.

Until Saturday night.  When Joel woke up at 3.00am and was wide awake and wanting to play.  Having tried to settle him in his nursery for an hour to no avail, I finally succumbed to taking him downstairs where I lay on the sofa and he played and played and played until 5.30 when he decided maybe he could go back to bed, and was put quite happily back in his cot and he slept till 8am.

And again on Sunday night.  This time, Steve was kicked out of bed to deal, and after all his comments about how we shouldn’t let Joel get his way and go downstairs to play, by 4.30 and three episodes of In the Night Garden on Steve’s laptop didn’t work in settling him so he ended up taking him downstairs so he could play again!!

I think Monday night wasn’t too bad, and Tuesday night was a little disturbed but he didn’t want to go to play, but Wednesday night was terrible again and Steve got up with him, took him downstairs and when I woke up horribly late at 8am (having got used to not setting an alarm and relying on Joel to wake me) both Steve and Joel were cuddled up on the sofa fast asleep.  I took advantage of this to get ready, have breakfast and make my lunch, which meant it was a rush waking Joel, getting him sorted and up to nursery in time for breakfast.  to make matters worse, he’d been lying with his head in Steve’s armpit and the back of his head was drenched in sweat and didn’t have time for a bath or hair wash.  I hurridly got a wet flannel and rubbed it round his head and hair but it really didn’t seem to make much difference and I dropped him off with an apology for the state he was in!!  And gave him a good soapy bath and hairwash before his bedtime.

Which didn’t really happen as we settled him down at 7.30, but on him crying after 20 minutes Steve got him up and he was like a little manic playing baby.  He sat by his megabloks truck and just emptied it out, started building, knocking it down and building.  He did this for an hour, before looking a bit more sleepy then got his books out.  He read ‘That’s not my Lion’ with me, and ‘That’s not my Reindeer’ with Daddy, and then decided he would go to bed.  And then he slept, with a few bits of coughing now and then, right through till 7.30am this morning.

I don’t get his sleep patterns at the moment!  Do i need to drop his midday nap?  I don’t think he’d cope very well, although the time of it seems to be getting later and later.  He’s not going down now till 12.45 and at nursery they’re letting him go past 2pm.  Hmmm.  It’s all trial and error really, but I need him to sleep through the night more regularly!!

Horsey, Horsey

Joel has decided that sometimes, during the night he might wake up.  And since he’s normally had a good sleep until this point he doesn’t want to go back to sleep straight away.  And he might just sit and yell in his cot until Mummy or Daddy stagger along to see what the matter is and pretend to want a cuddle, to be taken into their bed in the hope he’ll settle down to sleep again.

but no.

What tends to happen is Mummy just gets comfortable, and Joel will sit up, climb onto her tummy facing her knees and try to bounce and ride her like a pony.

Daddy finds it all very amusing becuase he’s not being jumped on.  I guess his tummy isn’t as bouncy and squishy as Mummy’s.

Then after having had enough, Mummy will take baby and deposit him back in the cot with his lullaby music playing.  He’ll have a little yell but once thumb is in and blankie sucked it’s back to the world of nod again.

I just wish I could get back to sleep as readily as he does!!


Well, I don’t know what’s changed with Joel’s sleeping but I had come to rely on him as a bit of an alarm clock!  I won’t make that mistake tomorrow as this morning we slept in till 8am!  Steve got up and went out at 6am and the last thing I remember is thinking I may as well get up and get ready as I didn’t have time to nap again and suddenly it was 8am and Joel was saying ‘da ba’ and sitting up in his cot playing with his soft toys.

We then had a mad rush of getting us both up and ready and dressed, walking to mum and dads to drop Izzy the dog off (so she had a walk) and then getting Joel to nursery in time for breakfast to get me into the office 9am!  I hate rushing but Joel was fine.

I got to my desk in good time but a bit red in the face from power walking pushing the buggy then climbing the hill to the Uni!!

I took Joel’s coat of him, changed from outside shoes to inside shoes, took his blankie and we walked down the corridor to the baby room and he took a couple of steps inside, then stood and looked to see what was going on.  Turned to see me trying to go and howled. I think because it’s a Wednesday he cries more because it’s new again whereas Thursday and Friday he’s more in ‘nursery mode’ and settles in faster.

Anyway, next week we’re holidaying so he’ll have a totally new experience of living outside in a tent!  And I’m keeping everything crossed but the weather looks as though it might be holding and being nice and if so I will be the happiest girl in the world as camping in the rain is miserable but camping in sunshine is wonderful!  And hopefully lots more lie ins will happen!!  I don’t mind oversleeping when on holiday 🙂

Sweet Dreams Are Not Made Of This!

Oh for a decent night’s sleep!!

This hot weather is not helping one bit! 

The other night, Joel hadn’t been able to last the afternoon and fell asleep till almost 5pm.  The result was one hyper active baby who was up until 10pm!  Steve was working away in Oxford for a couple of days and stayed over, so the responsibility fell solely on my shoulders, and I was tired.  He’s been getting up at 5.30 every morning, and is full of beans.  So to have him toddling round the room like a baby whirlwind was exhausting!  The only thing that kept me going was the thought that he’d have to lie in the next morning, but nope, he was up again at 5.00am!

He woke last night at 1am  as it was a very humid  night and he just wanted a cuddle.  We call it the sleepy dance, and I hold him in my arms, and he rests his head on my shoulder, and we sway and hum until he’s dozy enough to go down again.

Needless to say, I’m rather tired myself today.   

Although the sunshine is nice, there doesn’t seem to be any pleasing us Brits!!