Still Here!!!

After seeing the consultant yesterday I was really disappointed.

Gone are the imaginings that she’d say I was 3cm dilated already and needed to think about coming onto the ward for delivery!!  I was as closed and unfavourable as could be.  Just like last time.  I don’t know why I just don’t seem able to get babies out on time.  Even after having so much down below pressure for the past couple of weeks it’s had no effect at all.

She wasn’t able to do a sweep as she couldn’t get at my cervix but ouchy, she had a very good feel.  And when she palpated my tummy she wasn’t the most gentle either.  I expect that didn’t help baby want to come out, being prodded like that.

So I’m booked in again next Tuesday to see where we’re at.  I’ll be 41 weeks exactly on Tuesday so lets see whether I make it there or not.

Officially One Month

Today is the 4th January.   That means that my due date is officially one month away!!

I guess I’m ready as I can be now.   I have got my new changing bag which arrived today so I can’t wait to pack it up and get that sorted with newborn nappies!!    I got it with the vouchers from my work colleagues.  And that was the last thing on my list which although admittedly I didn’t need, I still wanted as a treat!!

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This is it and I had a similar red one with Joel which has got a bit battered over nearly three years, so I thought an update wouldn’t hurt.  I loved the pod system and am not a girly bag sort of girl, and prefer the practical features of this one.

I sort of feel as though I ought to be nesting and such now but to be honest, I’m that achey and tired I am not really bothered!!  This week we should be getting the bathroom sorted so I’ll be around to oversee that but I’m worried in that I’ve not had a start time confirmed!  The last communication I had with the builder was the 19th December saying they’d start on the 6th Jan and I’ve got back to them twice since and had no response.   They’d better show up!!  I’ve managed to arrange delivery of the bathroom suite for Monday as well, the tiles are in the garage and everything is ready to go!

They are rerouting some pipes which means pulling the carpet in the nursery and floorboards so I hope it all goes back to normal soon!  I need that room to be perfect.

I feel that I’m going to living on tenterhooks for the next few weeks.  Having not gone to any ante-natal classes this time I’m now stressing that I’ve forgotten everything I learnt at our classes three years ago.  Plus, with not actually getting to use any of the information on what to do when going into labour and labour signs, I feel a bit unprepared and not sure what to expect.

The baby bag to take to hospital is ready with three little outfits in, some cotton wool and nappies.  I want to breast feed again, so will not be taking milk.  I’ve not bought as many nappies as I did last time as I had way to many size 1’s so have just got three little packs and will see where we go from there.

My hospital bag is ready too, with a small wash bag, giant knickers, maternity pads, some baggy clothes (although whether I’ll fit in them or not I’m not sure, I didn’t last time and went home in the clothes I’d arrived in!!) nursing bras, lansinoh nipple cream, button down nighties and a dressing gown, pair of slippers.

I also want to pack a spare bag just in case as last time Steve brought me spare clothes that I couldn’t wear!!  Way too small post birth!!

I need to change the travel system from buggy to pram again, and my Dad has cleaned up the car seat as we lent it to my sister and it came back in need of a good wash.  I had told my mum I’d buy a new one if there was any risk of mildew, but she insists it’s spotless and as good as new now.  Hmm.  I’ll be the judge I think!!  As tidy and clean as my sister is with her house, she’s not someone who thinks about looking after things I’ve discovered!!

I haven’t bought a buggy board yet.  I’m not sure if we’ll need one or not.   If I’m walking to nursery with Joel and baby, Joel is ok to walk with reins on, it’s not too far and if I’m with someone we could take two buggies.  I guess thats something to consider if we feel we need it once baby is here.

I need to not think too much about it now and relax I guess.  Things could happen any day now.  I hate waiting and not knowing and having it out of my control, but that’s the way it is and there’s not a lot I can do about it!!

A Fabulous Scan!!!

I had been so very excited about my 20 week scan.

So of course Joel decided to wake up at 1am and be restless and want Mummy cuddles for three hours the night before.  I feel almost silly for thinking otherwise!  Any day I’m looking forward to seems to involve a lot of wakeful hours the night before!!  I did get an extra hour in bed this morning though to try and compensate though.

Anyway, I was a bit cheeky and told Steve that the appointment was at 11am rather than 11.30 to make sure he was at the hospital on time.  As we were there early I went along and handed my notes over, and to my surprise was seen immediately!!  No waiting for us today!

And it got better from there.  As they weren’t busy, the midwife took ages over us.  She talked us through the whole baby and we saw everything.  From the head and brain, the face and eyes, ears and lips, bones, spine, legs, hands and feet.  It was so clear and she took her time too so we could take it all in.  With Joel’s 20 week scan it was all a bit rushed and we weren’t sure what we were looking at as it was all very blurry.

What was weird was seeing this very lively baby pushing, twisting, turning, and pretty much pounding my insides!  Steve asked how I couldn’t feel the legs pushing into me, but the midwife commented that I have an anterior placenta, which means the placenta has grown across the front of my uterus rather than at the back which is more normal.  It’s not a bad thing, it just means that baby is more cushioned so could explain why I wasn’t feeling much movement until this week (and now I’m feeling lots, but more around the sides than the middle).  It can also mean a c-section is more risky due to having to cut the placenta but I guess that will be a discussion with the midwife next time.

After we were done we went out for a lunch date as Steve is heading off to Scotland for 4 days next week.  It was nice to have a little mini date in the week.  And then I headed back to collect Joel who had been at Grandma’s, and we headed straight to Mothercare!!  Where I bought baby some new vests, babygrows and a going home outfit.

I really liked the simple neutral colours in their new range, so opted for unisex!!

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How cute is that!!  It’s a long sleeved vest with a cute velour trouser suit to go over it and a matching hat.  They did have a lovely beige cardigan but at £16 I felt that was a big steep so Mum has said she can knit on for me to match!!  Yay Grandma!!

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In 20 weeks or so, i should be bringing a new baby home in these clothes.  I can’t actually imagine it just yet, but I’m sure as time gets closer I will be getting more impatient to meet baby.  One thing is for sure already, as placid as Joel was in the womb, this one is a live wire, and is a complete opposite of Joel already!  It will be very interesting to see how different they are!  But I’m sure they’ll be great friends and Joel will be a great big brother to his LITTLE BROTHER!!!!  Yep, we’re having another boy and we’re so happy!!  🙂

Waiting Days…..

After the scan a week last Friday I felt reassured and ok having seen the wiggler in action.

However, that was 9 days ago and having had a dream the other night that things went bad again, I am now in a state of anxiety again and stressing. I can’t sleep (because our bed is creaking again, I don’t know what Steve did when he built it again but it didn’t do it after my Dad put it together), Steve snores terribly and Izzy has been sleeping on the top step on the other side of the stair gate and buffing in her sleep and woofing and every single noise I hear wakes me at the moment.

I feel like a zombie. A stressed out, anxious zombie which doesn’t help matters does it.

I can’t work out my dates anyway. From our holiday I reckoned I should be 9 weeks, but if you go back to the ERPC as an LMP date then I should be 12 weeks. The next date of my scan is 5th August when I’ll be nearly 14 weeks! Surely this is too late for the NT scan? I might ring up to enquire this morning. Ideally, I’d love to get a scan this Friday so we can tell people this weekend as we’re at a Steve’s family wedding.

Plus, I want to see that things are still ok. My tummy has gone down a bit, so the bloat has passed on (which happened last time with Joel) so I may be able to disguise the bump if we’re not telling people, and I’m not feeling to bad at the moment, just very tired so with having Joel I’ll be able to excuse myself early and take him to bed!! Perfect!

I just need to know that things are ok again this time. It’s amazing how quickly the reassurance of a scan wears off!

Phew…..

Today began as a stressy day.  The wretched dog escaped again so I ended up walking around the block shouting ‘Izzy, Izzy’ at 8am this morning thinking I shouldn’t be stressing about her and wanting to get in a bath instead.

But I found her trapped in a garden a street away.  Her forlorn face was peering out at me from behind a trellis and I couldn’t see how to get her out without disturbing the people who’s house it was.  I tried the doorbell but there was no answer, and so I then went to the neighbours garden, quietly went up the side path through a little gate and managed to create a hole in the side hedge and hold down some chicken wire so she could lope through, then I thoroughly castigated her, put the lead on her and met my Mum who was coming out to help me look, so she took her back to theirs so I could relax a bit!

Anyway, at 9.30 we dropped Joel at my parents as well and went to the hospital.  In all the chaos I’d forgotten to drink any water so I bought a bottle and began chugging it in the vain hope it would filter through in time.  It didn’t!  We went for the scan, the nurse saw a heartbeat (hurrary!) and estimated that we were just over 6 weeks (we’d thought 6-7) but she couldn’t get a good look as my bladder was too small.  So I was sent away for 20 minutes to drink more and finished the water and got a fried breakfast whist we were at it.  Then on going back my bladder was too full and obstructing things, so I had to do a half wee which was good as I thought I was going to wet myself things had got very uncomfortable to say the least.

Still, the image wasn’t great.  It was very tucked up to one side and not all that visible but I only needed to know that something was there and ok for now.

The staff were very kind and have booked me in for another scan in three weeks.  I’ll worry about that one as well as the last baby died at 8+6, and this scan will be 9 weeks.  But if things are ok, there’s only another 3 weeks until the 12 week scan and then maybe I’ll let myself think about things and feel excited.  It’s not sunk in at all yet and I’m still fearing the worst.

One day at a time though.  That’s all I can do.

Gutted…… :(

I had my meeting with work this morning and pretty much, the answer to my flexible working request is a big, fat, resounding ‘no’ and I’m not terribly happy with it.

I cannot imagine going back to work full time.  Joel needs me and I want to be there for him, and my job is far too much full time to do and be a good mum (in my opinion) and the hours will be too much, and lack of holiday flexibility won’t work for us either.

I’m rather gutted, but think I have decided to take my full year of maternity leave after all and have extra time to decide what to do long term and see what comes up within the University over the next weeks.

The other sore point is that the nursery can only take Joel on a Friday so that would leave four days over, which I can’t cover, and don’t want to just assume my parents will sort it, as they’re retired now, and are incredibly busy and I think 4 days a week is too much to ask of them!  Plus my sister is due a baby in March, and with my other sister with twins in Wales, they’re going to be extra busy jetting all over the country to get round all the grandchildren.

Arrrghghhgh.   I’m sure something will turn up for the good, but any prayers would be welcomed.  Something will come of this I’m sure.  As it was said in ‘The Sound of Music’, “when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window”.

Fun In The Sun

Today has been yet another beautiful day!  I feel so fortunate to be able to sit out in my garden, knowing I’m being paid annual leave for a third week to just relax and do nothing!

This morning I was up early, due to aches in my hips and pelvis and I find moving about helps, so I dozed on the sofa for a couple more hours.  Not that Steve missed me, he just got up at 9.30 and assumed I’d been pottering around for a while!  Izzy appreciated my company though and curled up in the crook of my knees which was cosy.

I sorted through the clothes given by Sarah yesterday and put them into piles of sizes.  The 3-6 months are now stowed in my 3-6 month box, and the 6-9 and 9-12 months are also stowed.  The 12+ will be going back to Mum’s in the meantime as I just don’t have enough room for everything!!  I then sorted some more loads of washing out and got it dry in the sunshine, and Steve and I sat in the garden to eat lunch together which was a nice change!  Izzy is thriving on having us both at home, especially in the garden.  She is so much calmer and lay basking on the lawn whilst the piggies munched the grass in their run.

After lunch I met up with my friend Carly and her baby boy Reuben and we went to the Town Park and ate ice creams, chatted and then fed the ducks.  Pretty soon it was 4.00pm and I was a little weary so we headed home where I sat and folded vest after vest after babygro and made the wardrobe a little tidier.  I think I need a few baskets so I can separate vests (no legs) from babygros (legs) and can trust that Steve will be able to find things if needed – (he’s one of the ‘it’s not waving at me so it’s not there’ sort of guys).  I also need some hangers to put outfits together and hang up.  I just went through and tidied the newborn stuff, and have the 0-3 shelf to tidy tomorrow.  I never thought I’d find folding such a cute exercise!!

Then, this evening, Steve surprised me by asking if he could take me out for dinner!  So we went to try a Harvester restaurant which was full and we’d have had to wait ages for, (don’t tell a very pregnant woman she has to wait nearly an hour, just for a table when she’s hungry) so off to Frankie and Bennies we went, where I scoffed bread and olives before tackling a whole rack of ribs.  I should have won a prize for that I think.  Also, I think I grossed the waiter out (he assumed the ribs were for Steve!) and he brought a wodge of napkins over for me as I guess I was making a mess?!  Hmm.

Anyway, another rather lovely and fabulous day!  Tomorrow is all free, and other than folding 0-3 month clothes I’m considering a swim depending on my weary levels (else I’ll not have been this week at all) and online window shopping.  My new wish list for after payday next Wednesday!!