Argh!!

I don’t know what men think sometimes at all.   Or in fact, ever!  And they think we women are hard to work out.

Take this morning for example.

I woke at 4.30am with painful hips, ribs and pelvis.  I lay in bed until I just had to get up to ease the weight on my sides and went downstairs.   I was hungry so had some cereal and a cup of tea then worried that I hadn’t felt much baby movement over the past day.  I watched a few episodes of ‘The Good Wife’ to distract myself and try to monitor movement before feeling so tired again by 8am when I heard Joel up and about.  He’d been into Steve in bed who hadn’t woken up.  I got Steve up to sort Joel out and gave him clothes to dress Joel in, told him to sort breakfast and went back to bed.  I slept well and woke at 9.40.

Then I found Steve had done nothing all morning.  He’d laid on the sofa to doze some more, hadn’t dressed Joel, hadn’t tidied, hadn’t washed up or walked the dog (all things I would have normally done on getting up under regular circumstances).   He was due to manage the sound desk at church and had to be there for 10am but needed a shower.  By 9.40 he was in the shower and at 10.10am he left the house to go and set up the sound equipment for a service which begins at 10.30am and is meant to be having sound checks by 10.10!!!

His parting comment was ‘I refuse to rush on a Sunday’.   Well, had he actually got himself sorted when he first got up, there would be no rushing and as a result he was very rushed but just didn’t care.  I don’t get how he can’t see things that need doing.  I would love, just once to come downstairs after having had a lie in (which doesn’t happen all that often, but at the moment my sleep is so bad I’m being a lot more forceful about it!!) and find he’s sorted all the chores which are now waiting and looking at me 😦

The other issue is the baby movement.  I had another cup of tea and the heat of it seems to have caused some wiggling.  I noticed in the bath last night that my tummy was lurching to the right rather than the left and I was getting little brushy strokes on the left side so I wonder whether baby has moved down and twisted sides.  That would explain why things feel a bit different today.  As long as he’s not gone breech or turned back up i guess its all ok.   I will keep checking today though and call the delivery suite if I’m worried by lunchtime.  Right now I’m trying to rest and relax for a quiet morning whilst Steve has Joel at church.  No doubt he’ll be using me as an excuse as to why he’s late and add extra drama 😦

My other gripe about Steve stems from the argument over tiles we had at Christmas where he berated me over buying bathroom tiles.   I had the final bathroom invoice from the builders the day after I’d enjoyed my first bubble bath in our lovely bathroom and I was so relaxed and happy for one evening.  Plus my best friend from school who has been trying to get pregnant for over two years and has just had her first bout of ivf rang to tell me she was 13 weeks pregnant and it had worked first go which has a 33% chance of success!!!  I was over the moon for them!

Anyway, the bill came in and they’d added an extra £1400 to it!!!!  I opened the email and instantly felt sick.   Getting money out of Steve for house things is difficult enough and I just thought Steve would flip out and have a go at me about it.  He had a busy work day on Friday so I didn’t tell him straight away as I thought he’d be better off focusing on his new client and filming his awards ceremony that evening.   He had a good day and I had a privately stressy one wondering how we’d get the money, how they could add extra on like that without discussing it first, whether it was my fault, and pretty much feeling wretched all day.  Steve had really seemed to like these builders and had asked them for quotes on the garden jobs and widening our drive and rebuilding the wall and I saw these things disappearing away, never to be done as Steve seems to have to know who is doing the jobs and develop a sense of trust with them before being happy about paying them!!!

Anyway, Steve got back about midnight and I’d tried to sleep but just couldn’t switch off so sat up and waited for him to get in.  I had looked online and the law was totally on our side about it as they’d given us a written quote of £2498 for the job.  They’d even asked for an advance midway through so we’d paid them £1100 to help them out with their cash flow and I had the remaining £1400 ready to pay them on completion.   And at no point had they discussed adding that much to our bill, they hadn’t mentioned extra costs at all and I’d assumed because it was all specified individually in our quote it was covered under that.

I was terrified Steve would get crazy cross again and we’d fall out and it would be as bad as the tile argument at Christmas.  But for some reason I still can’t really fathom he was fine about it.  He said he’d call them up on Monday and discuss it with them.  He didn’t seem to mind whereas I was really cross with them and felt taken advantage of.  I guess he just put his business head on and negotiating is something he’s good at.  He told me off for stressing and asked why I was so upset over it.  How he can be ok over £1400 and flip out over £70 (when he doesn’t even know how much tiles cost and hadn’t measured the space requiring tiling) I don’t know.  (He still thinks he’s right over that argument whereas I know he’s totally wrong, but we’ve moved on!).

So I get to leave it to him to sort out.  I’m not so silly as to think there wouldn’t be hidden charges.  The builder fitted the door for us, and had to buy little bits here and there, so we were expected a couple of hundred more at least to the original quote.  That’s normal and to be expected, but £1400 is a lot of money we don’t have to hand and was a nasty surprise.

So that is where things are at.   I’m feeling very ‘argh’ about it all.   Baby worries, getting fed up being so heavy, not sleeping, being tired and grumpy and tearful all the time isn’t good.    Builders invoices.  House needs tidying and I have no energy or inclination to do anything about it.  I feel like being a hermit and don’t want to go out or see anyone.   As I missed church last week Mum got inundated with questions as to how I was, and I just don’t want to have to keep repeating myself that I’m weary and achey.  So it’s just easier to stay in.  Then I ache if I stand and ache if I sit, ache if I lie down.

The only positive is that during this typing baby is wiggling away again which is reassuring.  But right in my ribs again which is uncomfortable.

9 days until my due date.  Please make a move soon baby.  Please please please.   I want to feel back to myself again!!

Insomnia

I just can’t sleep 😦

Every time I feel that I’m almost asleep I suddenly feel hungry, achey, baby kicks out (seriously, earlier it felt like he was kicking me under my left armpit!  What’s that all about?!) plus I had another TMI incident this afternoon which has resulted in another lovely bout of piles 😦  I now understand what people mean when they talk about the ‘bunch of grapes’ and I really didn’t want to know what that felt like.  Ever.   I have just had enough of this baby pushing down so much, you know, ‘there’.  I really think he’s done it to me!  Things were ok yesterday.  And today –  blah.

The bathroom men showed up yesterday and will be starting today.  We should be getting a skip on the drive for all the old stuff to go in and I’ll be able to fling some rubbish we’ve accumulated into it as well.

Here it is in it’s lovely tiny pink and green style:

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The green carpeted floor and wooden accessories highlight the pale pink suite with corner bath….

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The wooden dado rail and busy green tiles and wallpaper with fitted cupboards!

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The lovely exposed piping and broken shower (which actually has good pressure and would be ok if not broken!!)

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The sink and shelf…

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And the boxed in toilet and bath again.

Project management of getting these things done is tiring.  Plus with not realising I had to really source all the things we needed has been a bit of a headache!!

I’ve had to spend more money than I thought on getting the shower, paint, door handles, thermostatic thingys which are angled and straight, taps, and all these little things I didn’t think about before.  I spent well over half a day researching online, Ebay, Amazon, and big store sales and managed to save quite a lot of money.  Steve just looks fed up with the costs rising.   I had told him that this sort of thing happens and he needed to prepare a ‘buffer’ zone with money.   I just don’t get how he thinks he can pay the bare minimum for everything.   He’s really trying to undercut it all.  As long as we have the £2500 for the labour we should be ok now I hope.   He’s put £400 in our savings, I’ve saved £1000 and he has £1100 sitting in his desk somewhere.   See what I mean, the bare minimum of £2500 dotted around the area in various accounts.   One big lump sum in one place would be far easier to manage.  There may be more surprises as like I’ve tried to explain to him, they don’t know what state things will be in once they start removing tiles and getting old baths out.   It could be awful!!  Or it could be fine and we have no hidden costs.

So now I’ve bought a shower (a big static rain head one with a separate hand held bit too), sink taps, bath taps, plugs for both, a heated towel rail, the white p shaped shower bath, toilet and sink, a mirror which tilts up for 6ft Steve and down for 5ft me, a glass shelf, a hook for our robes, a cup for toothbrushes, a new chrome bin, a chrome light pull, a pot of paint, a bathroom privacy lock for a new door, 5 boxes of white tiles and some navy/black mosaic tiles and all I’ve forgotten is the flooring which I will have to just go out and find some of tomorrow as the men want everything on site by tomorrow to just get on with it.

They’ve promised to leave us with a toilet overnight each night, but in the day I will have to waddle to my Mums if I need the loo!  So I will be hanging out there a lot this week, and have to leave Izzy there so she doesn’t escape.  Plus I’ll be out at the hospital for the afternoon with my appointments.  I wonder whether that’s anything to do with my current insomnia as well?

It’s all a bit stressy with getting bathroom done and waiting for a baby I think.  Not to mention that Steve has relapsed into helpless pathetic hopelessness again.  I know it sounds very unsympathetic but I’m beginning to resent his flapping hands, his over exaggerated shivering and general moaning of being cold all the time.  If I make a grimace because I’ve been kicked in the ribs, he makes more of an ‘ooohhh’ noise because he’s so ill.  It’s like he’s trying to make suffering into a competition.   He moans that he’s ill if I need some help around the house, but is happy to go out of an evening because ‘that will help him recover’.   I’ve felt so unsupported throughout this whole pregnancy by him it’s untrue.  I know he’s been busy with work a lot before Christmas, but I’ve felt so alone throughout it.  He’s taken no interest really whatsoever.  This past two weeks  I’ve tried to help him, and encourage him to have early nights and rest up, and get better.   But until he starts actually acting on advice, rather than going out of an evening, getting himself more tired, not even wearing a coat in the cold rain I don’t know what he thinks will happen.  He just doesn’t care enough to look after himself properly which I see as immature and selfish.   He has to start putting family first, and thinking about getting himself better as I’m going to be relying on him very soon, I should be able to rely on him now but can’t as he’s just acting pathetically at the moment.   I know it’s different for men during pregnancy from women.  Its not real for them until the baby is here but so many men seem to be cherishing their partners and I just would have loved to have known what that felt like!!  Sad I know, but there you go.

Anyway, these are a few of the musings taking over my brain and keeping me from sleep.  I may try and doze on the sofa, or attempt to go back to bed now.  I’m tired in body but not in mind.  But must rest as best I can.   Goodnight again.

Movements…

With having such a busy day yesterday and being made to walk all over town in search of suits for Steve I realised this morning that I’d not felt baby moving in the night like normal.   He normally wakes me up around 3-4am and although I’d rather be asleep, I missed the reassurance today.

I decided to keep an eye out during the day and although I got some little squirms and pokes it just didn’t seem enough to keep me comfortable.   I was all set to ring the hospital to go in for a trace to make sure things were ok.

But happily sitting here this evening, there is a lot of kicking and poking again so I’m quite reassured again.  My tummy is just moving around of its own accord.  I guess that’s taught me a lesson about doing too much.  More excuses to sit and rest methinks.  He still feels sideways to me.

A friend from work brought a couple of dresses in for me to possibly wear for the black tie do on Friday but they’re not quite cocktail wear.  As much as I didn’t want to buy something new, I did find a little black dress with lace sleeves in New Look which I could sell on again afterwards on Ebay as maternity party dresses do retain their value quite well.  Can you see how I’m trying to justify this to myself here!!!  Well, Steve spent a lot on his black tie suit, so I think £45 for a dress to make me feel nice tomorrow is ok.  I hope so anyway!!  It should arrive tomorrow and I can at least try it on to see what I think 🙂

Good Morning

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It’s a lovely morning here with a beautiful sunrise.  This is looking out of our side window over the woods with next door at the forefront.  It’s got colder suddenly at night but when the sun’s out it makes a difference.

I’ve not been sleeping so well at night again.  I think I might be excited about Christmas!!  And baby was swimming about last night and actually pushing along the inside of my tummy which was very weird.  It made me think of shark fins for some reason.   In my groggy 4am state I don’t feel that I’m properly appreciating all this movement.  Joel was coughing a lot so I kept getting up try and prop him up on his pillow to help and dot karvol around his duvet.

Yesterday was Joel’s nursery Christmas fayre so we three went along to spend some pennies.  We bought Steve a Christmas present of mini speakers which he said he wanted from a stall and some cakes, sweets, Joel said hello to Father Christmas, went on the Lucky Dip, made a tree decoration and generally ran around and caused chaos with all the other kiddies.  It looked like fun if you were two!!!  His friend Trudy was glad to see him as well and those two seemed to end up everywhere they shouldn’t!!  Pickles the pair of them although I do feel that Joel is a bit of a naughty ring leader and leads others into doing naughty things!

 

 

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This is our tree this morning.  I’ve put the lights on a timer so they are on when we come down in the morning.  Joel loves it and thinks its the prettiest tree ever!  It’s a 5ft one I’ve had for 10 years and it’s starting to show its age.    We’ve collected different decorations over the past few years so it’s not a ‘designer’ tree by any sense of the word but I think it’s all the more charming for it!

We’ve put our presents around it, (and hidden a lot under the table too) which he’s not really showing any interest in yet.  I finished all my wrapping last night thank goodness and just have cards to write now.  I find it easier to spread everything out on the floor and do it that way but it’s certainly getting harder with a bump in the way and my pelvis feels as though it’s actually falling apart now.   The only issue was that the Wow Playmat I’d ordered from Amazon turned out to be the wrong thing!  I hadn’t opened it, as it’s quite big and bulky but I should have checked I know.  I had ordered it two days before the extended Christmas return period so was a bit stuck with a giant (what I assume was) plastic sticker sheet!  It was meant to be a fleecy carpet rug.  Panicking I rang Amazon directly who were very helpful, refunded me the cost of that and are sending a courier tomorrow to collect it.  I’ve since ordered a new one which should be correct and also arrive tomorrow.  Could have been disastrous.

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This is my lovely fireplace.  I love my Willowtree nativity scene.   We bought the garland to sit on it this year and it’s always nice to get Joel’s first Christmas pic out again!    And my scented candles and tealight burners.  We don’t light those when Joel’s around though.  He already seems to have a fascination with fire!!    I just need to work out where to put a nail to hang Joel’s stocking ready for Christmas Eve!!

Oh, and also you remember my messy corner which needed sorting in the dining room?  Well, we took our old freezer to the recycling centre yesterday (it’s been stood in the utility for months getting in the way!!) and noticed that the big charity shop next door was still open so called in to see what they’d got by way of furniture and we found this TV unit which sort of matches my Grandma’s walnut bureau.  It’s not proper wood at all, it’s a veneer, but it was £15 and does the job for now and blends in with our furniture:

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So all that is remaining now is to put the wooden floor down.  Steve didn’t like this cabinet to start with.  He has something against old furniture.  I however wouldn’t let him get the silver plywood units that were so popular in the 1990’s as they are hideous!!!  I wanted something that looked classic and blends with the era of the house.  And on getting it home he agreed with me.  I just wish he could accept that if he were left to furnish a house it was be terrible and to go with what I say to start with!  It would save a lot of time and energy.

This store is sort of a recycling centre for second hand furniture and you get some gorgeous antiquey pieces.  I fell in love with a hallway unit with coat hooks, a little drawer suitable for a dogs lead etc… umbrella compartment, it had a mirror and some lovely woodwork but Steve said he didn’t want old things in the house!  Honestly.  I could have replaced the hooks, given it a wax and it was a lot cheaper at £75 than anything I’ve had my eye on.  He just doesn’t see potential in things.  But I’d got my way with the TV unit so left it at that!

Daddy Felt Kicks!

Daddy felt the kicks today!!  Still very faint, probably due to the anterior placenta, but certainly there!!  If we’d have been watching on a screen I bet I would have been pulverised from the inside!!

To celebrate I may make this dessert for a treat later on!!  A lady at church has an allotment and brings in all manner of produce to share around and today was cooking apples!!

Toffee Apple Pudding – Sounds yummy and my Mum has made it before to great success so hope I can manage it too!!

 

A Fabulous Scan!!!

I had been so very excited about my 20 week scan.

So of course Joel decided to wake up at 1am and be restless and want Mummy cuddles for three hours the night before.  I feel almost silly for thinking otherwise!  Any day I’m looking forward to seems to involve a lot of wakeful hours the night before!!  I did get an extra hour in bed this morning though to try and compensate though.

Anyway, I was a bit cheeky and told Steve that the appointment was at 11am rather than 11.30 to make sure he was at the hospital on time.  As we were there early I went along and handed my notes over, and to my surprise was seen immediately!!  No waiting for us today!

And it got better from there.  As they weren’t busy, the midwife took ages over us.  She talked us through the whole baby and we saw everything.  From the head and brain, the face and eyes, ears and lips, bones, spine, legs, hands and feet.  It was so clear and she took her time too so we could take it all in.  With Joel’s 20 week scan it was all a bit rushed and we weren’t sure what we were looking at as it was all very blurry.

What was weird was seeing this very lively baby pushing, twisting, turning, and pretty much pounding my insides!  Steve asked how I couldn’t feel the legs pushing into me, but the midwife commented that I have an anterior placenta, which means the placenta has grown across the front of my uterus rather than at the back which is more normal.  It’s not a bad thing, it just means that baby is more cushioned so could explain why I wasn’t feeling much movement until this week (and now I’m feeling lots, but more around the sides than the middle).  It can also mean a c-section is more risky due to having to cut the placenta but I guess that will be a discussion with the midwife next time.

After we were done we went out for a lunch date as Steve is heading off to Scotland for 4 days next week.  It was nice to have a little mini date in the week.  And then I headed back to collect Joel who had been at Grandma’s, and we headed straight to Mothercare!!  Where I bought baby some new vests, babygrows and a going home outfit.

I really liked the simple neutral colours in their new range, so opted for unisex!!

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How cute is that!!  It’s a long sleeved vest with a cute velour trouser suit to go over it and a matching hat.  They did have a lovely beige cardigan but at £16 I felt that was a big steep so Mum has said she can knit on for me to match!!  Yay Grandma!!

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In 20 weeks or so, i should be bringing a new baby home in these clothes.  I can’t actually imagine it just yet, but I’m sure as time gets closer I will be getting more impatient to meet baby.  One thing is for sure already, as placid as Joel was in the womb, this one is a live wire, and is a complete opposite of Joel already!  It will be very interesting to see how different they are!  But I’m sure they’ll be great friends and Joel will be a great big brother to his LITTLE BROTHER!!!!  Yep, we’re having another boy and we’re so happy!!  🙂

Interior Kicking

I’d forgotten how strange I found feeling the first movements.

It’s lovely to say that they’re getting stronger every day, but they aren’t half distracting!!  I was getting some strong little pounding flicky throughout the day whilst sat at my desk, and then got some weird rhythmic hiccupy feeling movements, which could I guess be hiccups!!

It’s nice and reassuring though.

I’m still waiting to feel them on the outside though, so Steve can feel it too.