Today’s challenge is to blog something totally unusual for me.
When I read it, I immediately knew what I wanted to write about, but it is daunting to open up about something to the world wide web when you’ve not really acknowledged it publicly.
I have trichotillomania and have had it since I was at high school.
At various times of my lift it’s got worse and then better, depending on my anxiety and what’s happening in my life.
If I’m happy and everything is ok, then I don’t seem to have so much of a need to pull hair out. If I’m anxious, unhappy or worried, then it’s my go to and most of the time I don’t even realise I’m doing it and then once I do realise, I don’t care until the hair is gone.
This past year, with two miscarriages, a pregnancy, a house move and other things going on it has really been an anxious year and I’ve never known my hair pulling to be so bad. I must be more discreet than I used to be as my family don’t notice any more, and yes, I have a certain patch on the left side of my crown that I seem to fiddle with most and the regrowth is an issue for me which I can sort of hide by putting my hair up but I have a chunk of very short hair which stands up on its own and looks very silly.
The thought of that is what is helping me stop pulling. It really is a battle of wills. My hand steals up to my head when I’m bored or worried and I just seem to want to find a hair that is coarser or more brittle feeling than the others, and if I find it, out it comes. The same for split ends. If I try to fight the urge to pull it out, I feel tense until its gone. I find keeping it in a ponytail helps a bit, and I’ve tried short hair and long hair but if its down, I end up fiddling and pulling.
So there you have it. I pretty much tick all the boxes on the NHS diagnoses page.
I don’t know whether I will ever overcome it. The threat of bald patches is doing as good a job as any. I don’t know whether a Doctor would help as I don’t want medication for it. I guess some form of therapy to discuss the anxiety issues could help? I don’t know.