The Wee Small Hours Again….

Here we are again at 5am.

I’m tired but can’t sleep so have come downstairs for a cup of tea.

I can feel baby pushing about down below and up high in my ribs like he’s trying to stretch.   Well, he hasn’t pushed enough to be a January baby yet!  Here we are on the 1st February so I can definitely say I will have a baby this month.

I have three days until my due date today.  And still no signs of anything.

That appointment with the consultant on Wednesday is getting closer.  And I don’t know what the outcome will be.   I didn’t want to be induced again.   I guess I have no faith that my body will react positively with it.  I don’t have a lovely birth experience to draw on to reassure me.  But do I really want another c-section?  The recovery from last time wasn’t great either.  I know natural births are the way to go, but if my body once again doesn’t start anything, what do I do?

I’m in a quandry and feeling stressed over my options.  I guess when it comes down to it, I need to do what is best for baby.   Steve seemed to be under the impression baby would be here one way or another by next weekend.  Which isn’t quite true as if on Wednesday they decide to leave me another week to see whether things happen of their own accord after my stretch and sweep it could take us to the 12th Feb.   This could be a Valentines baby.  He wants to be able to book work in, but doesn’t get I have no control over any of this and I’m certainly not going to  be booking a section to help his diary out if I don’t feel it’s in our best interests!!  The only reason we went with induction last time was that all his family were here and I was fed up with being so pregnant, and we took induction too lightly, and if we hadn’t, chances were baby would have arrived after they’d had to go home so I felt pressured to help him arrive sooner rather than later.

This time I guess I’m more inclined to wait but even that scares me!!

I guess its called labour for a reason.  Argh.   Women do it every day.  I can do this.  It’ll be ok.  Argh!!!

 

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