Two Weeks Later…..

There’s so much going on and so much I should record here but I’m so tired today i will probably forget everything.

Josiah so far seems the perfect baby.  I can’t believe how well he’s doing.  At 5 days old he was weighed and had lost 7oz of birth weight making him 9lbs 6oz.   Nothing to worry about at all, he could have lost more and they’d have been happy with it.  At his 10 day appointment his discharge was dependent on gaining his birth weight so having stripped him down (when he did a huge wee all over himself and the hospital cot) he still made it to 10lbs 2oz!!  My Mum and I couldn’t believe it.  The worry with breast feeding is you don’t know how much they’re taking.  Sure, Joss has got a bit of a double chin so we were sure he wasn’t starving, but until the scales tell you he’s doing well, you don’t believe it fully.  He then proceeded to do another huge wee so the midwife was able to tick off weeing and pooping a lot!!  I’m sticking him his newborn grows for the last week as he’s completely filling them and he’s only worn them twice!!  It’s such a shame as they’re so lovely.  I bought one neutral set after 12 weeks and one blue set after 20 weeks and he’s washing and wearing them.  But does fit into 0-3 now too!  And is on size 2 nappies but probably would go into 3’s as well.

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0-3 outfit and two boys ready for bed…..

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Funny baby faces and poses….

Joel never wee’d on me during nappy changes.  Everyone always said a bit of cold air makes a boy pee, but he never did.  However, Joss is certainly making up for it. He can wee and poop for England.  I’m almost worried he’s weeing and pooing too much.  At the moment our routine is something like sleep for 3 hours in the day, wake up and have a feed.  Fall asleep on the breast.  Be woken up for a nappy change (which is always a heavy wet and poopy one) then have a little more breast before wanting to be put down.  Upstairs he goes in his Moses basket and downstairs in his pram which is standing in the dining room.  He actually wants to be in there.  If I’m holding him he arches his back and wriggles about until I lay him down and he instantly settles, goes quiet and falls asleep.

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Joel is adapting to his little brother.  When he’s not feeling ill he’s been lovely.  I keep finding little toys that Joel is trying to share with him left on him.   It does make me laugh.   Above we have Joss playing dinosaurs and trains.  Joel is always Thomas, so Joss gets to be James!!!  This could be the greatest introduction to having two children apart from the fact that last week Joel got poorly.  He has got a terrible cough which has plagued him (and us) since about last Wednesday.

After a sleepless night on Thursday where Joss woke 4 hourly for feeds and settled straight away I found myself awake during the times I should be asleep sitting with a very hot Joel, dosing calpol and inhalers, drinks and cuddles through the night.  Terrible timing really, but the poor little soul can’t help it.  I sent him to the Dcotors on friday with Steve who probably didn’t say the right things or ask the right questions and returned with more inhalers.  We have such a collection of inhalers and breathing spacers I could start my own shop.   I felt that we’d been a bit fobbed off.  It’s more than a cold.

Anyway, last night was terrible again.  Joel was sick twice from the mucus he’s suffering from and woke very hot and clammy.  Having dosed him on calpol again we got up and he lay on the sofa whilst Joss settled in his pram and I got him another doctors appointment.  I can’t help but worry that he’s not eaten properly since last Wednesday and anything he’s had since he’s been sick with so he’s very weak and floppy and I really hope they give him something for his cough, not just inhalers again.  The appointment is at noon, and as I have the Health Visitor coming out to visit my Dad has taken Joel to their house to flop on their sofa and will get him to the doctors.  I do feel awful as I should be looking after him, but his continual coughing is so tiring and I just want it to go away.  I feel I could cope better with happy, well Joel and easy Josiah but poorly Joel doesn’t seem fair this early on in getting sorted with two.   I know life can be unfair but I’m too tired today to think straight and feel like bursting into tears at the unfairness of it all.

What else?

Breastfeeding – this began well in hospital and has carried on well.  I think I have a slight latching issue with my right breast again (both Joel and Josiah prefer(red) the left) but I wonder whether it’s to do with the supply not settling yet.   Yesterday I woke to sort Josiah out and did a nappy change which was extremely poopy and I got it all over my sleep bra, then realised both breasts had been leaking and I had huge wet patches all over my front.   Steve came in and I looked a right wreck with black smudges under my eyes, everything leaky and hanging out and poop down my front.  Just lovely.  Other than that, I’m smothering my nipples in Lansinoh and I’ve not had the bleeding, cracked nipples I had last time, and I think they’re toughening up.  Certainly there is no pain with the left side at all now, but my right one can be a big hard rock by the time Josiah wakes to feed and I guess that doesn’t help him latch on at all.  But we’ll keep going.  I couldn’t imagine the fath of having to sterilise bottles and make up formula when I have free milk on tap so that alone makes it worth persevering.

Last Friday I came out in an itchy rash all over my arms which looked a bit like nettle stings and was very irritable.  I left it for the weekend but it spread down my back, on my chest, down my legs, lower back and buttocks.  I was told to take a Piriton tablet to ease the itching which was ok with breastfeeding but nothing seemed to help.  Steve got me a gel pack which we put in the freezer and that was a relief but I could have done with lots to tie onto my limbs.  At 4 in the morning I was in the shower to try and get some relief from the burning itchiness and having looked online, self diagnosed myself with PEP – Polymorphic Eruption of Pregnancy.  It’s usually something one gets in pregnancy due to hormones, but some women can get it post pregnancy, especially if you have an oversized baby boy!  Seems a random thing really but I guess its to do with hormones.  On Sunday I had a bit of it on my face as well which was a pain as we went up to church for the first time to introduce Josiah, but it was covered with a bit of make up and my Dad just commented it looked ‘bumpy, but not too red!!,’  Thanks Dad!!!  Anyway, off to the Dr’s I went on Monday and he took it quite seriously, prescribed me creams, lotions and some non-sedatory antihistamines to see whether that has an effect.  I think it’s helping.  I wasn’t quite so itchy yesterday.  My arms are covered in scratches and spots where I’ve broken the skin through tearing it off.  I guess something had to happen to make me feel everything wasn’t quite so perfect!!!!

Josiah does seem to be doing really well though.  He feeds about every 2.30 – 3.00 hours in the day, has a couple of hours in the afternoon of awake time (two separate hours that is) where he will be content to be held and look about, be carried round the house and shown things, sit in a bouncer and watch Joel play or yesterday we tried lying him on his play mat and he seemed happy enough there too for a bit!!  I made it out to a little park with both of them after lunch.  I had thought about getting to toddler group but with the leaky boob, poopy top situation there was no way I’d be ready on time and the walk is still a bit much for me.  I felt very achy just going to the local park and back.  Maybe next week.   Its the nights that Joss is brilliant.  With Joel i’d be feeding and up for hours at a time and getting him to settle was a bit of a feat.  Josiah is feeding 4 hourly already and settles very well in his basket in between and if Joel were not coughing and poorly, I’d be bright as a button.  But my sleep time is very compromised by attending to him, and it’s been hard this week.

Anyway, I must use my Joss sleep time to it’s fullest and that includes answering natures calls before he wakes for the next feed, so adios for now blog!!  I need to put clothes on and get up to look presentable for the Health Visitor.  I’ve tidied the lounge a bit, and washed up the kitchen stuff, I have  a load of laundry to get dry and more to wash since Joel’s been sick three times now.  Lovely!!!

One Week Later……

It’s been a bit of a daze of a week.   I can’t believe it’s already been one week.  I’m tired but we’re doing ok!  Josiah is currently a very good baby!  Last night he slept three hours in between his feeds and settled back in his basket in between so although broken up I did actually get 7 hours sleep with going to bed early when he was sleeping so I don’t feel quite such a zombie this morning.

So, how did he arrive here?

Tuesday 11th February 2014

At 7.30 we were dropped off by my Dad at the hospital.  I had one small wheeley case, a bag for baby and two pillows.  It does feel as though you’re moving in for a while with all the stuff you have to take.  I was sent straight to the delivery ward and sat on a bed for the initial tests, urine and blood pressure.  I had a robe to put on and thrombosis socks, Steve had a go but the midwife had to sort me out as he got them upside down!

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The last bump picture!  Feeling like a heffalump!!  I had to wait till about 10.30 then the midwife came to walk me down to the theatre.  It was strange.  It was the same room that I had Joel delivered in, but the circumstances were so different.  This time everyone was calm.  I wasn’t in agony with contractions.  People were chatting and milling about.  I had to take my knickers off (as I’d not done so earlier, I felt weird sitting around pantless!!) and sit on the table.  I had a canula fitted in my left hand.  I had a local anasthetic in my back then the spinal.  I felt a warm tingle spreading over my legs and they lay me down.  The table tips slightly to the left which I’d not noticed last time.  People weren’t quite ready and I felt a bit sick and strange.  The aneasthetic doctor urged them to get going but I went light headed with a blood pressure drop.  They gave me an oxygen mask but to be honest I felt it hindered my breathing.  I wondered what would happen if I were to vomit!  Where would it all go?  I asked to have the mask taken off and felt better from that point.  Then at 11.27 the first cut was made.  I felt some jiggling pressure and twinging feelings but no pain.  One of the surgeons commented that he was a big baby and suddenly he was out and very grumpy about it.  He was shiny, purple and looked huge from where I was lying!  He filled the weighing scales and had an angry face!!  His checks all went well, he was alert and noisy.  Steve had said he reckoned about 8lbs and I scoffed saying well over 9lbs so was most gratified to hear he was 9lbs 13ozs!!!  I had a valid reason for grumpling about the state of my pelvis aching during the last few weeks!

They dried him off and wrapped him and brought him over to look at me.  I wasn’t able to hold him just then but Steve got to hold him as they sewed me up.  Then we were moved over to the recovery area and Josiah had his first breast feed.  His latch was pretty automatic and we stayed there for a couple of hours having checks done and cuddling and ringing our parents.  Steve and I debated over names.  We’d already settled on James Denham for his middle names and Steve wanted Josiah, so we went with that and already he’s growing into it.  It’s funny how that happens.  We call him Joss for short.

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I was moved over the the ward.  I didn’t get a side room this time but there was only one other lady in the room with me who was discharged early the next morning and then I was on my own!!  Steve popped out to collect Joel to bring him along to meet his brother.

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This is Joel having a quick check that his feet are bigger than Joss’s as he is officially the ‘big brother’!!  We had to check hands too!  Funny what matters to toddlers!

He wasn’t terribly impressed.  I think he’d imagined a toddler who could run and play with him but he liked having his Chuggington present from Josiah.  He is getting horribly spoilt at the moment and currently assumes any present is for him and that he can have anything he wants!

Then once Joel had said hello my parents came along to meet Joss as well and it was all lovely.  Joel got a bit bored, he began wanting to climb up all the beds over the side rails and wanted to run outside so my parents took him away again and I was left to rest and get to know Josiah a bit better.

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That first night is something of a daze now.  As Josiah was such a large baby, they had to keep taking his blood sugars to test for gestational diabetes.  I had the regular checks with every midwife appointment and didn’t have any sign of GD, so they weren’t sure what the matter was with Joss and why he was showing signs of it.  Pretty much after a feed his sugar levels dropped worringly low and  every hour they had to prick his heel, take blood and I had visits from the paed doctors who said if it didn’t clear up he’d need a drip and be taken to the special care baby unit.  I was in bits, but luckily things seemed to pick up that evening, but dropped again in the night.  About midnight I had another Dr visit, (and bearing in mind I was exhausted I wasn’t taking anything in properly) but they said to try hand expressing some colostrum.  I have a vague memory of a midwife holding a syringe to my nipple to catch the drips as I had to squeeze them out!  I’ve never felt more like a cow, but we eeked out a tiny bit which would apprently be enough, and he gulped it down and carried on with the breast and then his sugars stabalized.  The next day he was well over the threshold but it was a scary night for me thinking he’d be taken away.

The next morning I had the catheter removed and they sent me in for a shower.  That first stand on your feet after 24 hours of lying is really hard.  I got to the shower and gingerly washed my hair and body as best I could and the nurse came into help me dry and dress.  Then suddenly I felt light headed and told her this.  She sat me on the toilet and pulled a buzzer.  I began feeling worse and could feel a swoon coming on.  I couldn’t really bend over to put my head down and felt panicky that I was going to faint, fall down and tear my stitches or something.  A midwife and Dr arrived and measured my blood pressure which had totally dropped again.  With a cool breeze coming into the bathroom I felt a little better, and they got me back to the bed for another rest.  Feeling like such an invalid is so awful but they were so good.  I have to laugh now at the open door, me sat naked and jiggly on the toilet and not even caring at that moment.

The next day after that (Thursday) I was a lot better and they said I could go home.  I managed to shower again without issue, and felt remarkably fine considering.  I was far more mobile than after my section with Joel, and felt good about things.

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So on the Thursday 13th Feb we were discharged and Steve came to get us.  After walking the distance to the main entrance after having Joel I’d learnt my lesson and had a wheel chair this time, made sure Joss had been fed beforehand and that I’d taken all due pain killers.  This meant that we had a peaceful baby, I wasn’t hurting and we had a nice little journey home where Steve made dinner (potato wedges and heated up casserole!!) and we sat down as a family of four with peace and quiet!  Joss had a feed and went to sleep in his basket before 7pm which meant I could sit and give Joel his bedtime story and some one to one time.  I sat with him and held his hand until he fell asleep then went to bed myself.

That first night Steve was hands on dad.  He got up every time the baby cried and handed him over, did the nappies, made me toast and tea!!  It was great and helped a lot.  The second night was a bit harder to wake him to get up, but he did.  The third night he just wasn’t waking up at all, so I was able to sort the feeding myself but did have to poke him very hard to do the nappy changes.  I don’t think he even remembers that he’s been doing nappies to be honest.  He just staggers about ad brings Joss back to me for a feed and falls asleep again immediately as I sit and feed for an hour!  That’s why he’s gone back to bed this morning, he’s just sooo tired.  I guess women are just better at coping with the disturbed sleep a new baby means.

And now we’re home the next adventure begins.  I’ve had such a lot of support this week.  Steve’s parents came to visit Friday to Monday and sorted meals, entertaining Joel, walking the dog and this week my Mum is sorting Joel and Izzy and meals so I’m being very well looked after which is wonderful.

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And here Josiah is at 4 days old!  He’s alert, relaxed and so very cute!  We love him so much and all the pregnancy aches are so worth it.

He’s Here!!

Welcome to the world Josiah James Denham Cranston!! All 9lbs and 13oz of you!

Delivered by c-section at 11.33am today we will be in hospital till about Friday.

Joel has been to visit his little brother and has reported that he likes him.

I am weary and sore so will be resting whilst in hospital and once home for a few days.

The birth story will have to wait until then as I cannot type that much on an iPhone!!

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Sad News Today

Twelve months ago my great aunty (who’s been more like a grandparent since all my grandparents passed away over 10 years ago) was diagnosed with leukemia. She was 91 years old and given three months to live. She made it to 92 and saw 3 more babies born in that year (she has 33 great greats so far and my baby will be 34!!)

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This is us at my wedding.  I’d changed into a going away dress as we headed off immediately on our honeymoon to Mexico, and rather than throw my bouquet, I gave it Aunty Joan as a gift.   She’s also wearing a necklace which I’d used to decorate the centrepieces on the tables!!

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She was such a strong and feisty lady!! She’d been having treatment and kept fit and well, stayed in her own home and told us she was going to stay for at least a year to prove the doctors wrong.  She almost made it to the 12th Feb which is the exact date of her diagnosis.

5 weeks ago she started deteriorating and had to go into a hospice for 3 weeks and then 2 weeks ago went to a nursing home as she was getting weaker.

This little baby was due last week on Tuesday and I’d really hoped he’d be here so she could know about him but we had the call this morning to say she’d passed away at 5.30am.

A few days more and she could have known he was here so I’m devastated she won’t know his name as we wanted to meet him first to decide his first name. He will have her dad’s name James as a middle name (my great grandfather) and my Granddad’s middle name Denham (her brother) so there will be a family link but my Dad has said no one will expect me to be at the funeral as it’ll be next week or the week after but I’ll still be healing from the operation.

I don’t think I could miss it, and despite probably being too emotional and hormonal with wound scars and a newborn am I trying to get out and about too soon?

It has been expected for a long time but she was such a feisty lady I really didn’t expect this today at all and am feeling so sad.  If this baby had been a girl she would have had Joan as a middle name and we’d told Aunty Joan this as well a few months ago which pleased her greatly.

She’s at peace now and in a far better place.  And I think she’ll get to know when we have news.

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And still here waiting!

Getting more and more tired and fed up with aches and pains.

I’ve given up walking even short strolls as baby is so low it’s painfully uncomfortable and I just need to wee all the time!  I keep getting stabbing pains down below and presume its down to the extra nether region pressure and extra pints of blood going round my system.

I’ve been napping lots each day, and working on a jigsaw as a means of relaxing.  I completed it today so baby can come whenever he likes.  It was a good one which I didn’t think I’d manage on my own, but I’m proud to say I did every single of the 1000 pieces myself!!  Who knew I could sort a puzzle!!

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Yawn.  I could do with a nap now to be honest.  Maybe I’ll put  a film on for Joel to watch to keep him quiet for an hour and see if I can doze on the sofa with him.  I feel so bad that I’m not engaging him properly but it won’t be for much longer.  I just cannot get on the floor to push trains round at the moment and the more I’m on my feet the more I hurt!

Steve has been quite good at entertaining him when he’s around to let me have rests and naps and yesterday took him to a park for the morning and shopping in Asda for an hour in the afternoon.  My parents had him on friday so I could have a quiet day as well.  The only issue is at nighttime as he wants me to read him the bedtime story and tuck him in.  But I have been doing it every evening as he won’t be the only one soon, and I want to cherish these last few days of him being an only child and cuddle him and kiss him before bedtime.  It’s the only time he’ll let me really as in the day he’s far too busy!!

On Thursday I had to laugh as Steve took him to nursery and is finally getting a taste of how difficult chasing a toddler round the house is to get them ready to head out.   Steve was trying to get Joel to put a woolly jumper on as it was chilly out and Joel was arguing that he had a t-shirt on and did not want a jumper.  He’s quite good at answering back already and I could tell Steve was beginning to get exasperated.   Combine that with a child who won’t put a coat on, shoes on or get in his buggy and you have a fun situation that I normally get each morning so I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself whilst heading back to bed for the morning!  Bliss!!

Still Here!!!

After seeing the consultant yesterday I was really disappointed.

Gone are the imaginings that she’d say I was 3cm dilated already and needed to think about coming onto the ward for delivery!!  I was as closed and unfavourable as could be.  Just like last time.  I don’t know why I just don’t seem able to get babies out on time.  Even after having so much down below pressure for the past couple of weeks it’s had no effect at all.

She wasn’t able to do a sweep as she couldn’t get at my cervix but ouchy, she had a very good feel.  And when she palpated my tummy she wasn’t the most gentle either.  I expect that didn’t help baby want to come out, being prodded like that.

So I’m booked in again next Tuesday to see where we’re at.  I’ll be 41 weeks exactly on Tuesday so lets see whether I make it there or not.

40 Weeks – Argh!!!!

How far along:  40 weeks today.

Total Weight Gained:  Just call me heavy!!

Maternity Clothes:   Yep.   I actually went through my wardrobe on a rampage of tidying and sorted out a load of maternity stuff to sell on Ebay and cleared out things I’ve not worn this time round for charity and have got looser non maternity clothes all lined up for after baby is born.  Last time I got very despondent about losing the baby weight and got rid of far too much, thinking I’d never fit them again, and then once I got back in my size 12 jeans regretted it.  It’s hard really with all the clothes storage needed!  I have work clothes that I’ve had to put away.  A winter wardrobe and a summer wardrobe of normal clothes.  And throw a maternity wardrobe to cover 9 months into the mix, that’s a lot of clothes to keep order of.  Plus, my sister is an extreme shopper of clothes and china, and she has passed on a huge bag of lovely tops which I will be able to try on soon I hope!  Lots of designer and Oasis stuff which will be nice for the spring.  They are a 16 which is bigger than I’d like, but that could work for me to start with, lets be honest here!!

Stretch Marks:   Lots of them.  Only on the tummy this time, my hips and boobs seem to have avoided them.

Sleep:    I am not able to sleep well at all at the moment.  Last night I woke pretty much every hour.  My hips are really hurting.  And I don’t mean aching, I mean seriously hurting.  If hurting hips were a labour sign, then I’d be in labour.  But it’s not, and I’m not!!!  I’m having to take paracetamol regularly again at the moment and rest.  Maybe I did too much tidying yesterday.  Worth it though as our bedroom is lovely for a short while!!  Apart from down by Steve’s side of the bed and the heap of clothes that apparently is ‘his system’.  Humpf.

Best Moment of the Week:   Feeling ready for baby to arrive I think.  I have had a real nesting urge this week and have been cleaning and tidying obsessively.  I just can’t leave anything.  And Steve, considering he goes on about being tidy and having a home for everything is not as pleased as he should be, because he is expected to keep things clean and tidy too, and he is actually dragging his heels a bit here!!  I made him clean the bath after he turned the water a strange shade of brown the other night.  Why is it only men who seem to leave that nasty grim rim of dirt around a bath?  Are they just generally dirtier than us ladies?   I left him cleaning sponges and bath spray which he did use.  I just wish he would clean the sink after shaving.  It’s always full of his stubble and hair 😦    I’ve just gone in the shed and decided to build the changing table which we had downstairs as a nappy base for when Joel was born.  I’ve scrubbed it all over with a mild bleach solution to make sure it’s all ok, and needed a little rest so am online for half an hour!  I will tackle the building of it shortly.   I got some pretty baskets to put on it to keep all the bits in place so that is helping my need to feel organised as well!

Movement:  I’m still getting movements and kicks but certainly not as much as last week.  I have my appointment tomorrow with the consultant, and I am having enough to reassure me things are ok in there.  My movement is slow like a hippo now.  I’m so achy just the short walk to my parents causes pain.  I must look a right sight wincing as I waddle along!!

Food Cravings:   Apples this week.  I bought some lovely British grown Braeburns and they’re perfect.  Huge, crispy and juicy.   I may take a couple into hospital with me.  If I ever feel off food, some slices of apple really seem to help me feel like eating again.   Plus the lovely sweet and salty popcorn is still on the go.  I have a bag in the pantry and will have to open that this afternoon I think.

Gender:  He’s a little man!

Belly Button:  Completely flat out.  Steve is fascinated with it.  I hate it being touched anyway under normal circumstances, it feels weird to me, and whenever he goes to hold the bump or pat it, whether deliberately or not, he ends up prodding there and getting me cross.

What I miss:  So much.   I can say for certain I’m not missing work at all!  Steve hates that I’m sat at home with nothing to do.   Ha!  Nothing to do.  He really does not get that resting is a thing!  I’ve given up on learning to crochet.  I need my Aunt to show me how to make a granny square.  I think some one to one training would be easier than trying to work out what a book says about wool going above, below and back round!!  So my new hobby will be jigsaws this week to entertain me.  Steve approves of that, so I may sit down with a puzzle this afternoon.

What I’m looking forward to:  I am looking forward to meeting this baby, but I am also aware that it will change everything and the longer he is inside then life carries on as normal (well, as normal as 9 months pregnant allows of course) and the thought of a new baby unsettling everything is a bit scary now.  I know we’ll adapt but I do worry how Joel will cope and respond.  Will sleep deprivation make me a crazy woman?  Will Steve be of any use of a morning?  to be fair, he’s been getting up with Joel at 7am the past couple of mornings so I can sleep in after bad nights, but all he does is lie on the sofa and put the TV on for Joel.  He doesn’t get him dressed, let the dog out and get ready to take him to nursery or my parents!!  I’m grateful for the extra sleep and Joel is being good about waking Daddy rather than Mummy (hee hee!!) but he has got to actually sort things as well!  This morning I got up after 8, sorted Joel, took him to Mum and Dads with the dog and got back home to find he’d gone back to bed at 9am!!!  And I’d made the bed too.   I don’t think that’s normal?!

Milestones:  40 weeks!!  Due date.  Baby is cooked.  I’m really hoping there isn’t a 41 week post.  I get to have my stretch and sweep tomorrow.  I’m aware they will push me to go naturally and of course I think I want that.  But how long will I have to wait?  Will my body actually work this time?  Will baby start to make his own way out?  I really don’t want to be induced again.  I don’t want an emergency c-section.  I just wish I knew when things would start!!

Bump Pic:  

Tomorrow is D Day….

And I really don’t feel as though anything will happen.

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I have tidied the house, cleared up our bedroom, vacuumed all round, got meals stored in the freezer, given up on crochet, got the nursery sorted, found the pieces for the changing unit I have decided to put downstairs as a nappy and stuff base (it was useful at our old house) built a laundry hamper for the bathroom and a little cupboard to store my lotions and potions in, washed up breakfast and lunch, cooked dinner (hoping Steve will wash up dinner plates before bed), sorted the dog, fed the birds, got more food in, bought enough cereal to last 2 weeks, and to be honest, I feel the most achey and tired I have ever felt.  I don’t think it’s from doing all the above, I’ve just felt like this all day and I slept ok last night and got to lie in till 8am this morning (wowsers!!) so i’m wondering whether it’s a sign my body is trying to conserve energy, I just don’t know what to expect.

Anyway, I’m still here and pregnant at 39+6 so we’ll have to see if I get to do a 40 weeks countdown post tomorrow!!!

The Wee Small Hours Again….

Here we are again at 5am.

I’m tired but can’t sleep so have come downstairs for a cup of tea.

I can feel baby pushing about down below and up high in my ribs like he’s trying to stretch.   Well, he hasn’t pushed enough to be a January baby yet!  Here we are on the 1st February so I can definitely say I will have a baby this month.

I have three days until my due date today.  And still no signs of anything.

That appointment with the consultant on Wednesday is getting closer.  And I don’t know what the outcome will be.   I didn’t want to be induced again.   I guess I have no faith that my body will react positively with it.  I don’t have a lovely birth experience to draw on to reassure me.  But do I really want another c-section?  The recovery from last time wasn’t great either.  I know natural births are the way to go, but if my body once again doesn’t start anything, what do I do?

I’m in a quandry and feeling stressed over my options.  I guess when it comes down to it, I need to do what is best for baby.   Steve seemed to be under the impression baby would be here one way or another by next weekend.  Which isn’t quite true as if on Wednesday they decide to leave me another week to see whether things happen of their own accord after my stretch and sweep it could take us to the 12th Feb.   This could be a Valentines baby.  He wants to be able to book work in, but doesn’t get I have no control over any of this and I’m certainly not going to  be booking a section to help his diary out if I don’t feel it’s in our best interests!!  The only reason we went with induction last time was that all his family were here and I was fed up with being so pregnant, and we took induction too lightly, and if we hadn’t, chances were baby would have arrived after they’d had to go home so I felt pressured to help him arrive sooner rather than later.

This time I guess I’m more inclined to wait but even that scares me!!

I guess its called labour for a reason.  Argh.   Women do it every day.  I can do this.  It’ll be ok.  Argh!!!