Well, of sorts.  No work for the next two weeks!  I had to use up my holiday this month so quite happily booked two weeks leave.  Not to go anywhere or do anything, but possibly get some decorating done.  At least that was the plan.  The way I’m feeling at the moment, I may have a week in bed instead!  I could sleep for a week, plus I’m coming down with a cold.  I think all the hectic weeks at work are taking their toll.

Today I went into town on the bus with Joel, but his late nights and early starts have affected him, so by 10.30am he fell fast asleep and missed the bus ride.  We got some vouchers for my Dad’s birthday for a nice restaurant meal, and a birthday card.  Then walked all the way home as it was quicker than waiting for a return bus.

Then I made Joel some lunch as I’ve felt off food all day with nausea, and began to feel really drowsy.  There wasn’t really any chance of him having another nap after sleeping in the morning but I lay down with him in bed and dropped off, whereas he didn’t.  Next thing I knew it was almost 3pm and I’d been asleep.  Joel was sitting next to me, but had been rampaging upstairs and emptied all shelves of toys and shoes.

We’ve played with train sets this afternoon and sat and watched Peter Pan on DVD and now Joel is terribly tired and may not last till bedtime.

Not such a good day really.  I always feel really bad when I’m not up to much with my little man, but I can’t really do much else today.  I just want to go to sleep 😦  But am still feeling slightly reassured by the constant nausea and tiredness.  Two weeks till my next scan.


I’m really tired at the moment.  And nauseous all the time.  I find nibbling helps keep the nausea at bay but nothing is really helping the tiredness!  I’m going to bed early every night, and trying to nap when I can, (which is only on a Monday really) but with getting up twice a night to wee I’m feeling the strain.

Today I had my weetabix for breakfast.  I’m drinking a lot of milk.  We had tomato soup and crusty bread for lunch, with some mature cheddar as well ginger cake and grapes.  Then this afternoon I felt sick again and ate a plate of cheese and crackers before having sausages for tea.  The diet has well and truly gone now.

I keep getting little sicky burps which don’t help matters and my trousers are beginning to feel tight.  My pyjama bottoms were digging in last night and I had to keep adjusting the waistband.  I’m also feeling cold all the time but I think that’s overtiredness.

Joel is being a good boy at the moment.  He’s good at pottering about and entertaining himself most of the time.  I can sit and rest for a bit and just ask him for snacks and drinks and he goes off to his playsets and brings me fake tea and play toast!  

We made it to his toddler group this morning.  We were a bit late having nipped to Asda for some shopping beforehand.  As we live a bit further away we can’t just nip in the same manner we used to, so I didn’t want to drive out again this afternoon.  He played relatively nicely and only got a bit monkeyish at the end of the songs.  He did sleeping bunnies very nicely today!


Today began as a stressy day.  The wretched dog escaped again so I ended up walking around the block shouting ‘Izzy, Izzy’ at 8am this morning thinking I shouldn’t be stressing about her and wanting to get in a bath instead.

But I found her trapped in a garden a street away.  Her forlorn face was peering out at me from behind a trellis and I couldn’t see how to get her out without disturbing the people who’s house it was.  I tried the doorbell but there was no answer, and so I then went to the neighbours garden, quietly went up the side path through a little gate and managed to create a hole in the side hedge and hold down some chicken wire so she could lope through, then I thoroughly castigated her, put the lead on her and met my Mum who was coming out to help me look, so she took her back to theirs so I could relax a bit!

Anyway, at 9.30 we dropped Joel at my parents as well and went to the hospital.  In all the chaos I’d forgotten to drink any water so I bought a bottle and began chugging it in the vain hope it would filter through in time.  It didn’t!  We went for the scan, the nurse saw a heartbeat (hurrary!) and estimated that we were just over 6 weeks (we’d thought 6-7) but she couldn’t get a good look as my bladder was too small.  So I was sent away for 20 minutes to drink more and finished the water and got a fried breakfast whist we were at it.  Then on going back my bladder was too full and obstructing things, so I had to do a half wee which was good as I thought I was going to wet myself things had got very uncomfortable to say the least.

Still, the image wasn’t great.  It was very tucked up to one side and not all that visible but I only needed to know that something was there and ok for now.

The staff were very kind and have booked me in for another scan in three weeks.  I’ll worry about that one as well as the last baby died at 8+6, and this scan will be 9 weeks.  But if things are ok, there’s only another 3 weeks until the 12 week scan and then maybe I’ll let myself think about things and feel excited.  It’s not sunk in at all yet and I’m still fearing the worst.

One day at a time though.  That’s all I can do.

Feeling VERY sick…

which can only be a good thing right?!

Work has been crazy busy, the temperature is hot at the moment and I’m feeling so bleurgh through it all I don’t know how I’m getting through the days.

One more day in work for me before having my scan on Friday.  Words can’t really express what I’m feeling at the moment.  I’m a right mess of everything, hope, terror, excitement, nausea, and I don’t want to focus on it too much right now in case things aren’t good on Friday.  

But I have looked back at my old posts from last September 2011 when I was expecting Joel and I seemed to be very sick and nauseous then too.  So things are going the same as that time rather than the last pregnancy which bodes well.

Argh, come on Friday!!

Day of Worries

I’ve had a lot on my mind today.

Our dog has eaten something horrid, had a terrible tummy all weekend and we found some of her ‘liquid presents’ had blood in so got her to the vets this morning.  She’s not been too bad today after a 24 hour fast but I couldn’t sleep well last night and I heard her whining at 2.30am so let her out and took her down the garden where I heard her trump and splat for a little while 😦  Poor thing.

Anyway, I think she’s on the mend now, and I’ve been looking after and cooking her boiled chicken, rice and scrambled egg to introduce bland food to her system.  She’s also got antibiotics for the stomach infection and some meat paste with charcoal in to settle her tummy.   She’s been very sorry for herself and hasn’t even wanted to go for walks or play ball so you know she’s been feeling bad.  I hope she’s learnt her lesson but somehow I doubt it.

Then this morning I felt odd with a dull ache low in my pelvis.  To be honest, it felt like it did when I miscarried in April.  I’d had a day of feeling achey so to feel that again has stressed me out.  I remember twingy pains with Joel but ache means bad for me now.

I called the Doctor to ask if I could go in for a scan today.  Then I decided I wasn’t feeling so achey anymore, and then got a letter to say I had an early scan booked for Friday.  So I called back to say I wouldn’t hassle for a scan today and would wait for Friday.

So Friday morning I have a scan which could be good or terrible news and in the afternoon I’m meant to be going on our Church weekend away.  I really hope and pray that its good news else I’ll be a wreck all weekend.  Three days of work and then a scan.  Work will help occupy me and take my mind of it all as it’s very busy but I doubt I’ll sleep well this week.

Father’s Day

Today is fathers day so Steve has had a lie in.  Like every day really, but I couldn’t get him up on what is meant to be a special day for him.  Joel gave him a present of Daddy Pig pyjamas and some chocolate!  And we’re taking my Dad out for lunch as my Mum is busy with her sisters this weekend.  All I can hear from upstairs (as Steve doesn’t know I’m back from walking the dog) is Joel falling over and getting upset and Daddy apparently not watching him or looking after him.  I should go and sort things out, but I kind of want him to know how stressful it is trying to get ready in a morning with a Joel running around as well.

I’m feeling occasionally nauseous at the moment but my boobs are really aching and tingling.  I’m still in underwired bras as I’ve not got to the point where I need maternity, but last time I was in maternity trousers by 8 weeks.  This time, I’m not feeling as bloated so maybe things will be better?  I just wish I could know whether things were ok in there or not.  I’m having to get up to wee twice a night so am feeling rather tired at the mom ent.  And I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t have eaten a huge Indian take away last night.  It’s not had a good effect on me!

I took a digital test yesterday and it came up with a 3+ which made me feel better and puts me at 5-6 weeks, like the Dr said.  Still such early days and such a long wait until the 12 weeks scan to know if things will have a better chance this time.  I hate to be negative but another miscarriage would be so awful.

My niece came to play with Joel the other day and they played so nicely together.  I just really want him to have a little sibling to be his best friend and it’s taking so long 😦


February seems so long away, but August isn’t I guess and that’s when we’ll get the better idea whats going on.  *sigh*.

EDIT: – I had to put this down and run upstairs when I heard crash bang and crying.  I went into the bathroom to see Steve standing under the shower, Joel howling wearing a towel and soaking wet as he’d fallen head first into the bath whilst Steve was in it!  Steve glared at me and asked why I’d been gone so long as he wanted a shower.  I replied that I deal with Joel and getting ready in a morning every single day and he doesn’t fall in a bath fully clothed.  He was so upset and I had to sit him on my knee and cuddle him for about 20 minutes to calm him down.  He was scared and soaking head to toe.  Honestly.  Is it just me or are most husbands like this?!  Hopeless and helpless springs to mind!


Daddy Steve

When Joel wakes up he tends to lie in bed and sing to himself, or chat to  himself.

It’s very cute to listen to, it’s as though he’s practising some words for the day.

This morning he was saying “goodbye Grandma, goodbye Mummy, goodbye Steve”!!

I do wish he’d say Daddy rather than Steve.  It’s because when he was hearing our names Steve would say ‘Mummy?’ and I’d answer right away, because I hear when he speaks and reply.  I’d say ‘Daddy’ and get no response from Steve, so would say ‘Daddy’ a bit louder, and then in an exasperated tone ‘Steve’ to which he’d go ‘uh’. 

So it isn’t a surprise really that Joel has never learnt to call Steve ‘Daddy’.  He knows that Steve is his Daddy, but he calls him Steve.  I’m sure people must think Steve isn’t his father, just some random man I’ve met since, but maybe he’ll get the hang of calling him Daddy soon?!

What Breakfast Looks Like….

I’ve probably said before, Steve doesn’t get up in a morning.

I wake up between 6 and 7am.  Joel wakes up around the same time, most certainly before 7.30am.  Steve will sleep in every single morning leaving me to get up and sort myself and Joel out.  We’re used to it now.  We put on our slippers and dressing gowns, (“mama pink robe!”  Joel Blue robe!”) and we go downstairs.  I make myself a cup of tea and Joel has a cup of water or juice.  It’s not long before he’s asking for ‘Cheerios’ which means cereal, not just cheerios, although it can mean Cheerios as well!!  Pretty much he likes a Weetabix every morning, with either rice krispies on top or cheerios depending on his mood.  The day Daddy did sort breakfast out he just gave Joel a bowl of cheerios which caused two year old tantrum crying!!  And Steve was very confused because obviously Joel had asked for cheerios.

Anyway, moving on to the actual point of the post……  sometimes we don’t have cereal, we have toast!!!

And I get to sit across the table from the cutest boy ever and chat to him whilst he’s in a good mood (and Steve is missing out on these special times)….  I was brought up in a family where we all came down for breakfast at the same time and sat down together around a table, and laid out cereal, toast, juice and tea in a tea pot and ate it as a family  meal.  I liked it, and want that for my family.  It would help if Steve a- got up in a morning, or b- ate breakfast!!

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And for a treat we have nutella on toast!!  Yummy in our tummies….

p.s. please ignore the chaos around us in these pictures!  We are not even remotely sorted yet in any room other bedroom.  Its starting to stress me out!


So, I’m still in shock, but it would appear I’m pregnant again.  Just 5 weeks after my ERPC.  I didn’t think it would happen so fast for me.  I think it happened on holiday!!!

I have had two negatives tests so I know it’s not old hormones still in my system from the previous pregnancy, and I’m suffering with enough symptoms right now to be pretty sure that these are all new symptoms.

I’m feeling seriously rough.  I don’t seem to get morning sickness.  I get afternoon in evening and bedtime sickness.  I’ve not been sick yet, but then I wasn’t with Joel.  I just have to nibble biscuits.

I’ve been to the Dr today.  She was very nice and didn’t tell me off for not waiting for a period first.  She even said congratulations, advised me not to worry about things (of course that won’t happen!!) and has booked me in for an early scan to see if things are on track.

So rather than a November baby, we think this one will be a February baby but of course only a dating scan will tell.  She estimated I am about 5 weeks so far.

I’m trying not to be excited.  But not worry at the same time.  I’m a conflict of emotion but quietly hopeful.  It’s certainly a blessing to catch so soon and I just hope this one stays….

Daisies and Dandelions

I feel as thought I’m really playing catch up at the moment.  Being without internet for near a week, with the busy-ness we’ve had means I’ve not posted things for ages and I keep mentally storing up things I want to post but with my mind in its current state, I’m sure a lot has gone by the wayside.

This post was one I originally wanted to write after Joel’s birthday when we sat on a sunny hill and taught him the difference between daisies and dandelions.  He still remembers which one is which now, and proudly roars at the dandelions and picks daisies carefully with a long stalk so he can give them to Grandma.


Joel loves walking Izzy.  Izzy isn’t so enamoured as she prefers a faster pace!!


The other morning I walked the long way round from our new house (20 minutes rather than 3!!) so Izzy could have a walk and do her business, and the hedges were full of flowers.  So Joel and I picked daises, buttercups, pink campion and cows parsley which made a lovely little posy.  I told Joel he could give them to Grandma and he clutched them in his hand all the way there!  We rang the doorbell once at my parents and Grandma opened the door to find Joel holding his posy up to her!!  It was so cute 🙂

Anyway, since them he’ll find daises, exclaim over them, carefully pick them but only want to give them to Grandma!  And it’s normally me with him but I don’t merit a daisy apparently!!


Searching the grass for flowers….

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Daisy!   Grandma?!!!