I’m not sure what’s happened recently.
Joel has been rather grumpy and although ‘hate’ is a strong word, he seems to hate me sometimes. Maybe it’s not hate. Maybe it’s just prefer Daddy time as Daddy is the fun, jump off the sofa one, whereas Mummy says no biscuits (diddits) before dinner. If Mummy weren’t around, I imagine Daddy would give biscuits for dinner. with chocolate for pudding). I guess one of us has to be the disciplinarian and it’s obviously not going to be him and we’re not doing Joel any favours with both of us being the good cop.
If I take him up to bed, he cries for Steve. If I take him for his dinner at the dining table, he cries for Steve.
(and we’re not talking little sobs, it’s proper wailing with tears and sort of ‘Ste-e-e-e-ev-ve-e-e’ in a drawn out suffering sort of way). It’s not flattering for me at all. Part of me thinks it’s sweet he loves his Daddy, and a bit finds it amusing that he has to sob in the manner that he does, but a bit of me feels desolate that he doesn’t see me in that way too.
I know we’ve spent a lot of time together recently and we have Monday and Fridays together, and he loves his Daddy time but I just wish he could have it without making me feel unwanted and unloved!
By the end of Monday, he was being a right pickley monkey and just seems to be fed up of me, and just wanted his Daddy’s time. Then on Tuesday morning he was a complete angel. He got up all happy, I was able to get dressed and ready for work with a happy boy, the Tavares tune came on the radio, Heaven Must Be Missing and Angel, and we danced around and he laughed and I laughed and it was lovely. And we walked to mum and dads where he was charming, gave them a wonderful ‘Gramma’ and ‘Da’ and ‘cheerios’, I even think he’s putting his please ‘dees’ onto words to make a little sentence!
Then Wednesday came and he turned back into a surly toddler again. Nothing I could do was right. He didn’t want to put his coat on, get in his buggy, get out of his buggy, walk down the nursery path or anything helpful. Then we sorted his slippers and hung his coat up and he gave me a big smile, said ‘bye-bye’ and gave me a kiss and a cuddle and I went to work feeling emotional at how lovely he could be.
I sense that the future months are going to have a lot of ups and downs, and I’m so glad the ups outweigh the downs. And even if I’m not the fun one, I’m the one he wants a cuddle from when he’s sad or down and he comes running to me. And he calls me ‘Mama’ and I hope he never stops 🙂