Little Grumble.

Last night I was looking through blogs I follow on the google reader, and saw that two of them (both Mums with a toddler the same age as Joel now) had just announced a second pregnancy.

It seems that everyone I know, both online and offline are having second babies right now!!! Except me.

I keep thinking I’ve done things wrong. I began trying to be relaxed about it and didn’t count days. Then when I began counting days I wasn’t using ovulation predictor kits. Then when I began using OPK’s I realised I seemed to ovulate a lot later in my cycle than the typical 14 days so had likely missed the tiny little conception window each month.

Had I been less relaxed I could have identified this earlier and been pregnant by now, but I didn’t want to be a stress head about it.

Had I gone back onto the pill for 6 months, and then come off it that could have changed things as I think thats how I caught with Joel so early.

I don’t want to be all ‘what-iffy- about things. I know things will happen eventually and it’s so hard waiting and keeping motivated to keep trying.

I think it’s the lack of control we have that is so bothersome. We can normally control everything in our lives, but this, is something else. It’s totally out of our hands. Even if the planets all align and we get the right day, hour, minute, there’s still a massively long journey for that little sperm to make and out of 3 million about 12 actually get there if at all! Not to mention all the effort in the actual babymaking. It’s difficult when you’re tired and not feeling well.

And then there’s the news flash that not every woman ovulates every month. I’m on cycle day 20 now, but according to my OPK’s, I’ve not ovulated. And they don’t seem to be going in my favour, as its normally happened by now. I’m pretty sure it happened last month. Maybe this is a non month. Which puts a lot of pressure on next month to aim for a baby by Christmas 2013.

The odds make you wonder how anyone gets pregnant at all.

Which brings me back to the original point of it is happening, the proof is out there, but just not to me 😦

p.s. I am obviously very pleased for those who are expecting again. Please don’t misunderstand my grumble as ill thoughts or negativity. It really isn’t. I just want to be pleased for me at the same time!

Bear!!!

Bear is one of Joel’s new words. He points to pictures, books and cuddly bears and joyfully cries ‘bear!’ I think he’s finding the novelty of being able to say words and be understood quite a fun thing! It’s making him start to like his soft toys a bit more now too.

We had a busy weekend and took him to the water park at Alton Towers on Saturday. The in-laws came along too, and although it was busy, it was a fun time. Joel absolutely loved it. He paddled and dabbled with fountains. He got soaked, stood under drips and went down slides into water. He didn’t cry once. We had taken his buggy in with us so he had a nap at his usual time after lunch, and we had another hour of play afterwards but to be honest, we were all a bit done in. It was loud and tiring, and I couldn’t spend a whole day in there. I was like a complete prune from being in water so long. And judging by Joel’s nappies the next day, he’d drunk half the pool and his stomach wasn’t happy about it!

On Sunday, I went along to my first Choir rehearsal day. It was all day being the first session and I really enjoyed myself. I felt it was good to have some time to myself, doing something that I’ve always enjoyed and I’m looking forward to next week already. I bought my own copy of the score (Verdi’s Requiem) so I can annotate it as I like. Steve doesn’t get reading music. He doesn’t understand how I can pitch a note when there’s eight notes being sung. I don’t think he’d be very good in a choir! He’s said he’ll come to the concert though in April.

I lost another 1 1/2 last week. I was really pleased when I went to weigh in. The weeks I try hard I seem to lose less, but the weeks I’m a bit more naughty, I do better. I can’t complain though. That’s over 1/2 a stone now so I hope to get to the 10% body weight gone by Easter. I’ve been cooking some more new recipes from a slimming world cook book, all of which can be cooked in ‘one pot’. It’s easy, less washing up and tasty and healthy to boot. Steve gets a bit put out, but it’s not hurting him. I’ve planned this weeks meals, and bought all the ingrediants last night. We’re having cottage pie tonight, garlic and tarragon chicken tomororw, veggie sausages and potatoes on Thursday, chicken pappardelle on Friday, Lamb and potato gratin on Saturday and a seafood bake on Sunday. Although that may all chop and change depending on evening activites.

Speaking of which, I will try to do more evening exercise as I think that helped me last week. I will endeavor to walk Izzy at least three times of an evening this week rather than make Steve do it! She won’t mind at all 🙂

Drama Queen

I really can see Joel heading for the West End.

Every time we do something now, it’s either ‘Oh no’ or ‘Oh dear!’

His little baby accent is so cute, he really exaggerates, and purses his lips as he looks at us with disapproval!!

The other new games is leaping from the sofa onto cushions. Its a game that Daddy has taught him. I don’t really agree with teaching him this sort of thing, I can see it all going wrong when he starts trying to leap off things at nursery, but hey! I’m just his mummy and Daddy is the superstar fun dude who does exciting things like this:

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Humpf.  I must be the bad cop to Steve’s good cop.

Winter Wonderland….

It’s lovely that Joel has experienced the snow.  I did think he wouldn’t this winter at all!  He seems to like wandering about in it but not touching it (and who can blame him as its really cold!) and he’s enjoyed he little sledge we bought him.  His all in one padded suit is getting lots of wear too…

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On Saturday we went up to the Uni in the morning as it was all lovely fresh snow and gentle hills. Steve tried diving down the hills, and running about with Joel in the sledge, but he took a corner too sharply and Joel toppled out, face first in the snow. He did not like it. It was cold and he cried and wouldn’t go in the sledge again. So we walked round and about, down to the Tech park so Steve could go down steeper hills, and walked back again.

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And we even made a snow lump (I can’t call it a snowman as it’s too little)…

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We went to toddler group yesterday morning and it had been said on the Facebook group to take your sledge, so rather than walk or wrestle with the buggy, he sat on the sledge, held his nappy bag and was dragged there instead! It’s not far, and he seemed to enjoy it! Mummy goes slower and Joel likes it!!

And now I’m back at work in line for a hectic week. Mondays are like my Sunday nights where I feel blue about going into the office. It’s not too bad when I’m here, but yesterday afternoon me and Joel had fun getting all his toys out.

We played trains and built a Brio train track. We aquadoodled. We coloured in a picture book. We raced cars. We jumped on sofa cushions put on the floor. We did puzzles (although I think he find them too easy now so have bought some more difficult ones for him). And then we had tea and a bath before Daddy came home which was an extra long and splashy one.

I felt like a great old fashioned housewife as well, as you know I mentioned my old Mamas and Papas Rubix buggy had got mildewy? Well, my Dettol mildew remover arrived and I set to work during Joel’s nap. I sprayed, and soaked, then rinsed in the machine and most of it came out but for two spots. So I repeated the process, and rinsed again in the machine and bingo….. good as new! I’m so chuffed. Once dry, I’ll keep the fabric bits indoors and won’t risk the shed ever again. I’ve learnt my lesson.

I also washed the inside of the washing machine (with a cleaning product thing) and made a chicken curry in my slow cooker. The slow cooker is booked for lots of use this week. Tonight I’ll be getting home to beef and ale casserole, tomorrow will be sausage and bean casserole and Thursday will be chicken in red wine sauce. So easy, and quick and all counts to help towards weight loss.

I lost another 1/2 lb last week. It’s not much, I don’t seem able to go more than 1lb a week, but if I can get my club 10 by Easter (have lost 10% of my body weight) I’ll be pleased. It’s a very slow process.  Because I have to eat!  I can’t do small portions as it’s cold and I’m hungry!

Oh, and the other news is that Joel didn’t have a chest infection at all.  We went back to the Dr’s on Friday as the antibiotics didn’t seem to have touched his wheeze, and were told it could be an asthma instead.  So he had steroids all weekend and had to go back Monday to see the same doctor again.  And there was a vast improevment.  So he’s now got a steroid inhaler just like Mummy.  My chest has been wheezing more and I’ve developed a hacking cough too, so I’ve had to have one as well.  If I can avoid bronchitis again I’d be pleased.  I can’t be signed off at the moment from work, it’s too busy.  And they’re short staffed as it is.

But I am glad to be doing three days only.  Part time is lovely.

I wonder if the snow will be here on Friday still.  Jingle bells, jingle bells……

Dinosaur Zoom

Steve has always fancied himself a bit of a dinosaur historia sort of person.  There’s probably a proper word that I can’t think of or even type on this I-pad!  Oh, paleantologist!!

Anyway, Joel chose a book from the library called Dinosaur Zoom where a variety of colourful, dinosaurs drive to a birthday and have fun together.  It’s simple, and a happy little story.

Steve went to read it to Joel after he pointed to it as what he wanted to hear. And all I could hear over the monitor was Steve saying, ‘this is the most inaccurate book, you would not get a thingysaurus associating with awotsitsaurus.  They’re from different eras’, and he also didn’t liked the fact they were driving!

Steve – it was not meant to be real!!

Cycle 12 & SMEP

Well, it’s technically been over a year now of trying to conceive but I only starting counting days and working out ovulation using phone apps etc… in February so here we are at cycle 12.

I never thought it could take this long for me to have a baby, especially after how quickly Joel came along. It’s disappointing, but I trust that God has a plan and it will happen at the right time for us.

Last month we were hindered by illness at the important week, (I got a chest infection and Steve had some weird sickness lurgy) so I wasn’t too hopeful last week, but still, at the time of waiting for AF to arrive it’s impossible to not be hopeful for a miracle.

So in the meantime, I just plan and think and dream and pray.

I have a name already for a second boy, and a girl.

And am keeping my fingers crossed that this month. We’re trying a SMEP plan, using Conceive Plus and I’m back on my Evening Primrose Oil supplements. It all sounds very fathy. I’m hoping I’m not too tired to make an effort. Trying to conceive does take the romance away somewhat so I’m going to have to pull out all the stops, although Steve may grumble, he’s pretty glad to do what he has to do!!

Urgh…..

Another night of continual coughing and with Steve getting up before 6am for a breakfast meeting, he disturbed Joel so once he’d gone downstairs this little voice called ‘Mama’.

I couldn’t ignore him, so brought him into bed with me. Then he cried becuase he wanted to go downstairs to play.

So I’m feeling grotty, headachy and tired. It’s been about 9 days of restless nights. I can feel myself getting to the edge of what I can bear. I’m not good with sleepless nights. Especially when I have to get up and walk to work with a crazy hound.

URGH!

On the other hand, he made me laugh lots this morning. He opened my underwear drawer, and began pulling out clean pants, and putting them around his neck. I let him play whilst I got dressed, then removed the pants to go downstairs. Downstairs, I realised he’d somehow managed to slip another (rather lacy) pair round his neck as a necklace!! That could have been very embarrassing dropping him off at nursery.

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